There’s always more important things in life.

I’ve come to realize that. There’s always something going on. Always something we have to do. Something more we want. Something greater. Something.

It’s kind of frustrating. I remember being in 7th grade and looking up to the 9th graders, wishing I was as cool as them – or frankly, wanting to be them. Then 9th grade came around and everything was the same, I wasn’t magically different or entitled. I was the same person, but two years older. Yet, I found myself in this dangerous cycle, I now was looking up to the 12th graders…

And again, four years later I was still me. These are not “let downs,” far from it actually. This is one example of the many exhibiting the weird twisted ying and yang that is the excitement and ignorance of living in the moment.

There’s an excitement from living now – now as in this age, this civilization, this century, this generation, this decade, this year, this moment. This very moment, as I’m walking in Alhambra, California at 7:50 pm. As the brisk wind hits me, invigorates me, giving me a false sense of exercise.

I’m here in this moment, living, exhaling, “adulting” – whatever the fuck that means. I am walking in the dark blue to see the love of my life. I am going to drink a beer, eat some sushi, and hopefully make her shift a little bit more enjoyable.

This is my foundation. My happy roots. A moment in time I can look back on and smile when the next moment leaves me rotten.

“There’s always more important things in life.”

Sure, I don’t necessarily disagree. I have a better job to find, a career to start, and more money to make. And sure, I’ll fight over these things, cry, laugh, shrug, and pout. I will. I know because I fear these things.

I equate it to walking my dog back in high school, a dumbed down comparison yet I still choose to make it. The thought of walking my dog was terrible, the thought of getting up, stopping what I was doing to get dragged by this small little yapper until she poops… In reality it was a mindset, and I had a lazy one – still do.

About ten minutes into the walk I realized it wasn’t so bad. I was out of the house, moving my legs a bit, the weather was usually nice. It felt good, like I accomplished the day. It actually made me happy. This cycle repeated itself every time.

This is my cycle, my big dumb dramatic cycle.

 

Everything up to this point was written almost a month ago to the day. I lose interest and my writing suffers for it. It is now a month later and I am left with a small notion of this post’s purpose. It’s disappointing really how my drive comes in waves. Hopefully this time another month won’t go by before I finish.

 

What I’m trying to say is no matter what we accomplish something else will pull at our “want” strings. Call it human nature if you will, but I just call it reality.

It’s hard living in the moment. I’m 23 years old and money gives me constant anxiety. I feel like an old man when it comes to money and financial responsibilities. I feel it taking me over, always looking for the cheaper option, or sucking the fun out of any situation. I know saving is smart and necessary – that’s not the point. My excessive worrying is.

My lady and I are both 23, so perhaps struggling to pay rent for a month, maybe even two or three, is worth a couple nights in Vegas or a week in Vancouver. Backpacking through India or eating sushi in Japan.

I was at a dinner the other week with friends from college, all my age. I was talking to them about some of the travels I had already been on and they were talking to me about their jobs. Out of the 14 people there I’d say 5 or 6 had salary jobs, saying how they wished they did that when they were younger – planning on saving up their sick days to spend a couple weeks in a foreign country years from now.

As much as I want financial stability, I know it won’t make me happy, just comfortable. I don’t want to wake up at the already young age of 25 wishing I had lived when I was younger.

I want a great paying job, I want a nice-ish house, a comfortable life for my kids whom I can always support. I know these things are not given, but I’ll get there. It’s my time to live, my time to love, my time to be a little selfish, and unfortunately it’s my time to wait tables.

I do wait tables, but that last part was a little bit of a joke. I make decent money for what I do. Now it’s time to have more fun with the people I love. I trust myself to make smart decisions and still be financially responsible, it’s who I am! Only now I’m training my foot how to ease off the brake.

 

Best,
Travis

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